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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28646667">Shepard's Trip Through The Illusive Man's Gaping Mouth</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pronkbaggins/pseuds/Pronkbaggins'>Pronkbaggins</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Mass Effect, Star Wars</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Brain cell loss, Crack, Weird</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 06:13:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>734</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28646667</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pronkbaggins/pseuds/Pronkbaggins</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard's next trip is through the Illusive Man's gaping mouth. He also needs to plough through bare butts to save the galaxy. he drags the normandy crew along with him. Emperor Palpatine tries to speak to Shepard's manager.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Shepard's Trip Through The Illusive Man's Gaping Mouth</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>My sister gave me this prompt.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Shepard, you have a new message" the young girl Shepard hired states. Shepard checks his messages. <br/>"Your next mission is a difficult one to explain" the message from Anderson read "we need you to explore what goes on inside the Illusive Man's mind. The best way to do this is use the shrinkray I gave you in your inventory to fly your ship through his mouth. You read that right. Please do exactly as I say. The galaxy needs you."<br/>Shepard stared blankly at the message and ignored it. After 30 missed calls from Anderson he finally relented into listening to his hologram desperately plead that Shepard do this. <br/>"Crew" Shepard announced flatly "we need to go through the Illusive Man's mouth. Brace yourself for being shrunk. Unfortunately, I'm serious.<br/>"Sure, Commander" Joker laughed over the intercom.<br/>"He is being serious" EDI said "I have given you all a drink for helping you deal with shrinkage."<br/>The crew murmured among themselves in shock. Slowly, each of them took the drink after  Shepard himself started.<br/>"Preparing shrinkray" EDI chimed "you may feel woozy, we are heading towards the Illusive Man."<br/>"Nobody even knows where he is" Miranda protested.<br/>"That's why we have you" Shepard sighed "we have to do this."<br/>"Shepard, unfortunately....there's something up ahead I can't explain" Joker said "they look like shrapnel, but...well, I hate to be childish here but they look like human butts."<br/>Wrex grunted.  "Can we get a different pilot?"<br/>"NO I'm serious, sadly" Joker said "look."<br/>There were hundreds, no, thousands of human bare butts in their way and now the Normandy was small.<br/>"We have to plough through" Shepard said.<br/>"Yeah, not the first time you've had to plow through butts, Commander" Joker snorted. Some of the crew laughed, some rolled their eyes, and Shepard made no comment.<br/>The ride was rocky and gross. The butts were emitting gas. Shepard gritted his teeth. Anderson owed him for this.<br/>"Getting into the Illusive Man's mouth is going to be a challenge" Miranda said, holding her nose shut as they bumped along "he's very careful."<br/>"What causes humans to open their mouths?" Garrus mused "get him to talk about himself. We'll fly right in."<br/>As they cleared the butts, they made their way towards the Illusive Man's room, somehow.<br/>"We're so small he might just think we are a pesky fly or something" Tali hoped "with my calculations here the best trajectory is this one." She was pointing at her data pad, but before Shepard could look a large amount of electricity shook the Normandy.<br/>"There is some strange power hitting us" EDI said "lightening."<br/>"What? How?" Shepard asked aloud. The Illusive Man's massive face was approaching, and he was luckily about to yawn.<br/>They flew right in. It was gross.<br/>"Now what?" Wrex wondered, crossing his arms.<br/>"Anderson's instructions stopped here. Let's just get out of here" Shepard said "EDI, get him to sneeze us out or something."<br/>They didn't have to. Another bit of lightening gripped the ship and the Illusive Man opened his mouth to get rid of the nuisance in there. They flew out quickly, barely making it out before the Normandy began to expand to full size again.<br/>"I DEMAND TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER" a hollow, old voice cackled across the intercom.<br/>"EDI...what is that?" Joker questioned.<br/>"An old and powerful being is taking over the intercom" EDI said "I can shut it out. It is an adult and I can catch it."<br/>Suddenly, a hooded and cloaked being appeared in front of Shepard. His hands were white, his face hidden.<br/>"I am Emperor Palpatine" he revealed uncharacteristically "and I demand to speak to your manager, Commander. The Dark Side compels it."<br/>"More like Emperor Karen" Joker chuckled to himself because he could somehow hear this. Palpatine frowned, lightening crackling at his fingertips.<br/>"I don't have a manager" Shepard said "please get off my ship. I'm only going to ask once."<br/>Emperor Palpatine raised a pallid hand. Suddenly, Garrus felt some force lift him into the air and tugged him towards Palpatine.<br/>"HEY" he said, struggling. Shepard pulled out his gun and started shooting at Palpatine, who raised another hand and tossed Shepard's gun aside.<br/>"What the-"<br/>Palpatine set Garrus down and said "manager, I demand better service from your Commander."<br/>"Okay" Garrus said, furrowing his brow.<br/>"Okay" Palpatine said, disappearing.</p>
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